5 Surefire Ways to Improve the LIRR

The LIRR constantly hikes fares, but we never see any real improvements. It’s about time we got some of those bennies. Here are 5 ways I’d like to see those manifest.

1. Cup Holders

Like every parent with a minivan knows, cup holders are crucial. I need a cup of coffee in the morning for basic functioning, but on a bumpy, crowded train, it can also lead to a sloppy demise. There isn’t enough time in the morning or Tide to Go in the world to get out a sizable stain before clocking in for the day. Give me a safe place to land my cup for when the conductor comes around, because with my coffee in one hand and my phone in the other, I’m out of hands and out of luck.

2. Heated Seats

Move over ‘wheel’ and ‘sliced bread’ because here’s the rub: Heated Seats are the greatest human achievement ever. There’s no butts about it. The morning commute can be a grind, so when it comes to spreading the warmth, this is where the LIRR can start.

3. Outlets

Having an outlet in every seat would be game-changing. It would assuage the Sophie’s Choice of riding the train: entertaining myself with Candy Crush at the inevitable, indefinite delay, and wasting crucial battery power.  And I’m weak, so I’m probably going to be crushing it. As Patrick Henry would’ve said if he was born a millennial activist, Give me plugs or give my phone death!

4. Pillows

Around the world, New York is a city known for its hospitality. People go out of their way for strangers and say friendly how-do-you-dos on the street. Right? Erm, not quite. It’s also not quite acceptable to lean your head on someone’s shoulder when you want to conk on the train. But it’s either that or the window (if you’re lucky) and both will leave you with a sore neck (and sometimes a black eye). A pillow gives your head an unintruding place to go and visit dreamland.

5. A Bar Car

The train is what you make it, and for some it’s already a bar, but an actual bar car would bring the ride to an entirely new level. Tricked out with black lights, a disco ball, and a VIP area, a bar car would transform the journey into/from the city into a destination all its own.

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